Ugh Relationships!
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What is it about being in a relationship that makes me crazy????? I feel like I become a totally insecure, emotional and scared little girl when I'm in a relationship and I don't know why.
I was fine without a guy, I didn't even want to be in a relationship. I've always been happiest when I'm with my girlfriends and taking care of myself. But, then there is that part of me that gets lonely and wishes I had a man in my life. It's not an overwelming feeling, it's just a little piece of me that dreams about being in a relationship. The thing is, I'm never in healthy relationships. I've been abused both mentally and physically, I've been cheated on, I've been lied to, men have stolen from me - I always pick the WORST men possible.
So, I'm finally in a nice healthy relationship with a great guy and he treats me so well, and I'm all insecure now. I'm constantly worried that he's going to break up with me, I'm scared that the ex girlfriend will come back around and steal him away, I wonder where he's at and what he's doing when he's not with me, I obsess about the smallest things, I'm insane. I'm NOT like this when I'm just dating. I instantly become insecure when I'm in a relationship and I don't know why. It's really crazy. I mean, of course I'll be fine if things don't work out. I didn't want to be with a man in the first place. He totally pursued me and I never thought that it was going to workout. Now that it is working out, I'm all crazy in my head. Is this another form of self sabotage or what???? Well, my hope is that as time goes on I'll get a grip on things and allow myself to be happy.
Anyone else ever feel like this or am I just insane?
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After reading a lot of your comments, I agree totally that the key to keeping a guy around is to NOT act insecure. Nobody wants a girl that jumps whenever you snap your fingers. I don't actually tell him about the crazy thoughts in my head, I just wish I could stop the committee that is taking place between my ears.
At any rate, he knows about this blog so I'll be deleting this post later today. Thanks for the input!
posted by CarmenSinCity at
Thursday, August 16, 2007
16 Comments:
I think lots of people are the same way. I don't know why though. I think we all just afraid of getting hurt and stuff like that. We're just trying to protect ourselves.
August 16, 2007
You know, hon, needy, insecure women will drive a man away faster than the sentence, "No, I'm saving myself for marriage."
You have no reason to be worried! He really digs you and why wouldn't he?? Just relax and try to stop worrying about all the what-ifs. It's not worth all the anxiety. What will be will be. :)
August 16, 2007
Disclaimer: It was a joke, ladies, don't go droppin' your drawers to try and keep a man. LOL
August 16, 2007
OK, here's some psychobabble. People tend to react in present relationships as if they are dealing with people in their past relationships. It's all we know. Understandable. I go through it with my girl all the time. Not that I'm some great catch or anything but she's had such jack asses in the past that she is always trying to catch me in something as if to prove that I am just like everyone else. I'm sure that I do it too. You'll be alright.
August 16, 2007
Disclaimer: Ladies, DO go droppin' your drawers to try and keep a man. LOL.
In all seriousness, worrying makes relationships worse. If you are in a relationship that you have to worry about, then it won't work out in the long run.
Now if you don't worry and he still does something bad, well then you got your answer anyway and didn't have to worry about it all along the way.
Relationships built on trust are the ones that don't crumble in the long run...
Okay, I'll shut up now.
August 16, 2007
Relax. You're normal. We all wonder where we stand, at one time or another with everybody. Often, we're so afraid of being rejected that we act counter to our best interests often triggering the very rejection we're afraid of. Be yourself and practice the Golden Rule.
August 16, 2007
I used to be the same way. The key is acting as if you don't care if they are there or not. Keeps them around : )
August 16, 2007
Hey, just be yourself.
August 16, 2007
Didn't you used to have a relationship with your roommate Don?
Why would you still live with him or was "never in healthy relationships" not quite correct?
August 16, 2007
Bayne - Don and I defintely weren't in a healthy relationship. He didn't abuse me, but our relationship was kind of fucked up - especially the part where we used heroine and cocaine together for a few months.
We are friends now - I'm not sure how we are still friends, but we are.
August 16, 2007
Simple fact of the matter is women are more emotion based then men. I tend to not worry about all those things UNLESS given a reason.
I know she goes out with her friends, dances, guys flirt with her, whatever, but and this is important....SHE IS COMING HOME WITH OR TO ME!
Relax, have fun, let it grow, trust and be trusted, do not sweat the small stuff. Hold hands and laugh.
Most importantly: DO NOT BUILD BRIDGES THAT ARE NOT THERE. Cross them if they come up.
If I had the answer on how to turn of women's emotion button, I would be so rich I could run away to Fiji and be served drinks on the beach by hot cabana girls. Of course I would take my girl so the hot cababna boy's could serve her. After all, fair is fair.
August 16, 2007
My favorite Vegas lady--
This may be lengthy and probably should be via phone or email, but I've got to tinkle in a bit. First, I think you have to simply be who you are and be open about these fears and ask your new friend to be ready to recognize behaviors and language that may come from you as you work through this. Second, I would suggest you look at this as a specific symptom that you need not worry about but be ready to grab when it happens (the insecurity-feelings). Expect it to happen, and think of it no differently than you thought of how to decide what to write about at the WSOP. There was fear, you identified it, then you addressed it. Third, love yourself. You are a great person who is only getting better, Carmen. It is true. Lastly, simply try to love him with no conditions and no expectations. This doesn't mean changing who you are or how you behave, but it does imply a certain vulnerability. Take this for what it's worth, but I truly feel blessed every day Sweetie wakes up next to me. She is a gift I have been given, and your new gentleman is a gift to you regardless of how long or under what context you're together. Cherish him, as I know he cherishes you.
Let me know if you ever need anything.
CC
August 16, 2007
OMG. I feel the same exact way. When I'm just "dating" a guy, I'm so carefree. When it becomes an official relationship, I'm a nervous wreck. So maybe we should just date and never commit? Aaaa, maybe not.
August 16, 2007
Saw the comment.
If no guy wants a girl who jumps when he snaps his fingers why was "I Dream of Jeannie" such a big hit on TV?
August 16, 2007
The truth of the matter is that guys love to make girls feel insecure. Serious, growing up the Pimps of my neighborhood always use to tell us...it is like the Army son...tear them down and build them up...but when the hoes get too uppity...show them that your pimp hand is strong. Then girls get all insecure again and feel bad about themselves. It is the biggest control device ever invented. One can't make it up if it is a formula that has worked for centuries. If you have those issues they are ones that guys will capitalize on. By the way, guys hate it when girls bring old crap into relationships...serious, it is just too much to deal with at this age. Let it go and just be in the moment...the now.
August 17, 2007
I have no real relationship advise...other then 2 queen beds when traveling. LOL! ;)
Have a kick ass weekend!
August 17, 2007
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