Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Sinking

Last night I left straight from work and met my parents over at Planet Hollywod to play in the 7 p.m. tourney. I'm not a big fan of bad beat stories, so I'll just say that it was fun when I was winning, I accumulated a good amount of chips and then when the blinds got really high, I took two crushing beats and I was out. My mom even outlasted me. That sucked. At least I got home early enough to play a freeroll, and watch next week's The Wire on HBO with Don. We are addicted to that show and this is the last season. The cool thing is that you can always watch a week ahead if you watch In Demand. So, we saw next week's episode last night. Good times.

I've been in a funk as of late. I know the signs of depression and I have them all. Tired all the time, don't want to get out of bed, don't want to do anything once I'm out of bed, being misrable at work, not looking forward to anything, it sucks! I hate this feeling.

I was riding such a high over the holidays when I went to Florida and then I got my one year thing and that was super awesome and then we had the N.A. convention and that was fun and now my high has dropped to a super low.

I know it'll pass, so I'm not going to freak out too much about it. The important thing is to FORCE myself to get out of bed and not give in to what my head is telling me. My head wants me to stay miserable, not ever get out of bed, and tear down all of the stuff I've accomplished in this past year. My head tells me I can call out of work, I don't need to write any articles this week, I don't need to go to those silly meetings, I'm okay, I deserve to just take it easy, but If I start giving into those thoughts, one day turns into a week, which turns into a month, I lose my job, I'm not writing poker articles anymore and I end up loaded again.

This too shall pass.

This Sunday night I am speaking at Westcare. It's a Rehab for women and it's sort of like doing charity work I guess. That kind of stuff always makes a person feel really good about themselves. It should be just the thing I need to remind me what a good life I have and how far I've come from where I used to be. Just seeing those women suffering in rehab, trying to detox from the drugs, most of them homeless, most of them lost their families, pretty much all of them jobless and pennyless - this was all a part of my story and today it isn't my reality.

So, thanks for letting me vent.

16 Comments:

Blogger Robert Hogan said...

I’ve got a nasty scar on my arm. When I start getting that depressing feeling, I take a look at the scar and remind myself how I got it. I think about what a low place I was in at that time and what a better place I am in now. It doesn’t get rid of that depressing feeling but it does make it easier to keep on track. Keep your chin up.

January 16, 2008

 
Blogger Karen said...

I bet part of the depressing feeling comes from the time of year. The natural high of the holidays is over and life is back to normal. blah! It is a yucky time of year for a lot of people. Feel Better!

January 16, 2008

 
Blogger SirFWALGMan said...

I am very blah now too. Lets stay in bed together! wheee. No just kidding. One day at a time hottie.

January 16, 2008

 
Blogger Mike & Lou said...

Hi. I read this blog on more-or-less a daily basis. Its an excellent read.

Now I hope that comment hasnt swelled your head too much, but made you smile and forget about the January blues.

All the best :-)
Mike

January 16, 2008

 
Blogger The Grind said...

You've come a long way. Keep your head up. Sounds like you've got some great people surrounding you. Stay strong and this shall pass!

January 16, 2008

 
Blogger Mondogarage said...

One day at a time, one day at a time. You seem to be standing out as a shining beacon and inspiration to many -- please take some comfort in that.

I can't really begin to understand your life, but my brother has just gotten out of rehab, and I keep hoping he'll end up as strong as you.

January 16, 2008

 
Blogger RockDog said...

Carmenolicious! I don't know...it just felt right to say.

I hope the blahs pass and I'm sure that you know my secret cure is...porn.

:D

January 16, 2008

 
Blogger Special K said...

If some late night poker will help, you can join me at the MGM tomorrow (thurs) night. I'm passing through and arrainged an overnight layover. I plan to spend it playing cards. I know it is a week night, but it would be good to hang with you for a while if you can make it.

Special K

January 16, 2008

 
Blogger Betty said...

Lots of people get depressed at this time of the year. I hope you get over it soon. Are you watching American Idol? (gag) It'll make you feel a lot better about yourself, and may give you a laugh or two.

January 16, 2008

 
Blogger Terri said...

I'm glad you recognized that it'll pass, that's a good thing. I'm sorry it's crummy, maybe you need to treat yourself to a pedicure or a massage or a cold stone ice cream. :o)

January 17, 2008

 
Blogger 6722 said...

ever (out of the blue) just put on your joggin shoes, stepped out of the house, with or without dog in tow, and just walked..and walked..and walked? I've found thats the best way to clear your mind of the negative thoughts, also the endorphines released at this time regenerates your body and you return both mentally and physically upbeat. If that doesn't work there's always the old stand by...cholocate ice cream, and lots of it. Chin up.

January 17, 2008

 
Blogger Joey said...

A good workout gets me out of my funk more times than not.

Really been enjoying the blog and how much you share. Keep up the killer work.

January 17, 2008

 
Blogger The Diva's Thoughts said...

I am extremely proud of you.

January 17, 2008

 
Blogger Love_elf said...

Joey has a good suggestion - exercise always helps. Getting motivated to exercise is the hard part though! lol

Just keep getting out of bed every day. The "low" has nowhere else to go but up, right? It will get better, just give it time. You are a strong girl - look at how far you've come this year!!

January 17, 2008

 
Blogger Mel said...

Hey I know the feeling *hugs*

Here's to feeling above water again.

January 17, 2008

 
Blogger Mister Underhill said...

Good luck with the depression, it can be the worst ass kicker out there.

January 17, 2008

 

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home