Out of Order

Last week I talked about taking max alerts and hanging out at The Spot in Canton. It was a fun place and pretty much anything goes in that place. Anyway, one night Shawna and I went into the bathroom and the line was taking forever. We were talking though so it was no big deal. The bathroom was pretty small and there was only two stalls.





One of the stalls was out of order and it was pretty plain to see because there was a sign saying "out of order". So, anyway, we are almost to the front of the line and things are looking pretty good and these two girls go into the stall together.

Now, anyone who frequents clubs as much as I did back in the day wouldn't think twice about going into the same stall with a friend. It's a girl thing! We all do it. It's very acceptable and I guess somehow in our heads it seems like a time saver. Why open and close the stall door twice when you can go in at the VERY same time???? Not to mention, if you need help getting that zipper back up, you have a buddy right next to you to assist.

Anyway, so these chicks are in there for a while and I'm drunk and I'm just chit chatting away trying to figure out where the after party is and which lucky guy will be accompanying me when I realize that these chicks have been in that stall a VERY long time. Hordes of girls had come in behind us, got frustrated and left, but I was standing my ground because hell, I was next. There was no way I was losing my place in line - the seal had already been broken for god's sakes. But, the longer we stood there the more I realized that this was getting ridiculous. What could they possibly be doing in there?

My guess was that they were doing drugs. I said as much to Shawna. She figured I was right. My bladder couldn't take it anymore. I just had to know what they were doing in there. So, I sneak into the stall that was "out of order", Shawna comes in with me and we climb up on the toilet and we peak over the top. I was not at all prepared for what was in front of me.

How do I put this politely????

Um - one girl was sitting on the toilet, the other girl was on her knees, and they were doing the kind of thing you would see on a website that would be blocked at work.

I screamed like a little girl, and then Shawna and I went running back out into the club. I never laughed so hard in my life. I was SERIOUSLY shocked. I thought for sure they would be snorting some lines or possibly passed out on the toilet. I was not at all prepared for a live porn show right there in the bathroom.

And by the way, who the fuck goes into a bathroom when there is a line full of people and just gets their groove on? And hello, they couldn't have at least let the rest of us go to the bathroom first? Didn't they think that maybe we'd start wondering what was going on in there that was taking them so very long?

First of all, the bathroom was nasty. It wasn't even close to clean or sanitary. I can't think of any reason I would EVER get on my knees in that place. Gross. And then, there's the whole toilet thing. I'm a stooper. I don't sit down on the cleanest of toilets seats. Let alone a nasty germ ridden toilet in downtown Baltimore. And then, call me a prude if you want, but I think the backseat of a car is much more romantic than smoky night club. I guess I'm just old fashioned though.