Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Screetching Halt

Oh, woe is me. It's pretty rare that I talk about guys anymore right? I have the most pathetic love life - or, shall I say - "lack of" sex life in America. Seriously, it's the same old story and I sound like a broken record so I don't even talk about it.

But, for those of you that couldn't already read me like a book - I like bad boys. I like guys that treat me like shit. I like a challenge. I'm addicted to the chase and although I don't always fall out love when I get the bad boy - it seems that he does. Because the guys I like are just like me, they enjoy the challenge too.

I sort of thought that once I gave up drugs, went to detox, went through rehab and finally focused on guys instead of partying that I'd automatically find this great guy, we'd fall madly in love, get married and have really cute babies. Unfortunately, old habits die hard and even though I don't party anymore and I don't meet guys at the clubs anymore, I'm still not in a relationship. In fact, my dating life has screetched to a HALT.

There are a lot of reasons - to name a few...

- I was dating only guys that were in N.A. because I knew they were clean, but of course, they are still addicts, they still love the lifestyle and just because they aren't using drugs that doesn't mean that they know the first thing about dating or relationships. Many of them are way more fucked up than I am. And, I'm the first to admit that I'm fucked up. I'm completely spoiled, I have a hard time sharing or even trying to understand someone else's point of view and now, as I'm aging, I realize that I'm stuck in my ways. Most of the time I'm not even willing to put myself out there to even try to meet anyone. I hate first dates, I hate being uncomfortable and the list just goes on and on.

- Since I don't go to clubs and I'm trying not to date guys in the program anymore, my list of potential mates is severely limited. I meet some guys here and there at bowling but I am so freaking obsessed with looks that I don't give many people a chance.

and this brings me to the whole point of my post...

"Bowling guy" on my team. He's liked me for a while now and I went out with him a few months ago. I let him take me see Batman at the movies and we went out to dinner. I wasn't excited about it, I only went out with him because he seemed like a nice guy and I hadn't been on a date in a really long time.

Nothing spectacular happened. I found myself watching the clock a lot - I wanted to be home on my couch and that was a sure sign that I wasn't into him. I just cut it off at the knees right then and there because we had to bowl together all season long and I didn't want things to be too uncomfortable. Things were fine and then I let him talk me into going out with him again - but this time it was just out with a group of people. And we had fun. He has great friends, they do all this fun stuff - they always have free show tickets, they don't pay for any food or drinks, they don't wait in lines, they have connections all over town and when I am with him he treats me like a queen.

I'm not going to lie - I like being treated like a queen.

If we are gambling he just gives me twenty after twenty after twenty to put in the machines. I never have to open my wallet. He's already telling me to go to the Bebe and Coach websites to pick out and outfit and purse for him to buy me for Christmas. I love that shit.

He, on the other hand, I'm not so fond of in the romantic way. It's been fine because he's a pure gentleman and he hasn't pushed the issue, but I know that he likes me, he tells me all the time and I wish I liked him.

It's annoying. I'm going to be alone forever.

I just struggle with relationships. I'm so hard to please and I can't just string the guy along until after Christmas can I? ha ha

Well, you tell me - how annoying is this? He asks me to go out to dinner last night and I told him that I couldn't go because I had to work late. When I got home, I put the phone on the charger, turned it to silent and hit the couch and then the bed.

I woke up this morning to 7 text messages - this is no exaggeration. And, then in the last message he accuses me of lying about working late last night and gets all pissy about me not calling him back.

Once I texted him this morning and told him I was in bed before ten and didn't get his messages until the morning his whole tune changed and he felt like an ass. He apologized all over himself but hello - he's like 40 years old. Isn't he too old to be acting that way?

Ugh. I was sort of on the border about him but last night really pushed me over the edge. Today he tells me that I have some sort of hold over him and that he's never felt this way about anyone. Gag.

See? I should like this stuff. If Drama Queen would have told me I had a spell over him back in the day I would have totally eaten it up with a spoon. So, it's not that I'm totally unromantic, I'm just not into him.

But, for New Years he wants to take me to see Kid Rock at the Palms in the brand new Bebe dress that he's going to buy me with the new hair from the expensive salon that he wants to pay for and the hot new purse from Coach. OH damn. I know the right thing to do but are we sure I shouldn't just wait until after the holidays????


Blogger Michael said...

Hi, nice blog.
I've linked you up to mine:

December 03, 2008

Blogger cheer_dad said...

"He's gonna boil your bunny!" in the style of Fatal Attraction...

Seriously though, you've already said you know what to do, the right thing to do. You're just trying to talk yourself into it. Yeah it sucks doing the right thing sometimes and it doesn't get you nearly as many presents either...

It just seems to me that you're describing a guy who can afford to buy you "the ticket" but it's not a ticket to anywhere you really want to go.

I would go so far as to say, the longer you persist in the relationship, the more you become a possession to him, he begins to "own you," and then it becomes more painful when you make the break... perhaps even dangerous.

December 03, 2008

Blogger cdstedman said...

You did lie to him so an accusing message isn't out of the question. My advice, stop lying to his and tell him it's never going to happen. And stop accepting gifts right now! Sound like he's trying to buy his way into your life and if it keeps up he might feel you owe him something and that's when the real drama will start.

December 03, 2008

Blogger PinkPiddyPaws said...

Holy Shit.. is the guy 12 or something? I mean seriously??? Step away from the Crazy man Carmen. Back away slowly and get out the pepper spray.

If it's any consolation, my sex life is non-existent too AND since Ranger I haven't done any dating.

December 03, 2008

Blogger SirFWALGMan said...

Haha! Sucks to have a conscience doesn't it? I think you are not leading him on so if he wants to buy you shit and knows you do not see him that way have fun. Little concerning that he is so obsessed though. Hope he is not some kind of psycho. Oh and hey, if you ever need sex, I am there for you. I won't enjoy it but will take the bullet because I am a true friend. Latah.

December 03, 2008

Blogger Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

Hahaha! Girl cut him off now! If you wait until AFTER Christmas he will be hurt and really pissed at you for using and taking advantage of him. He would undoubtedly become pretty bitter and lash out at you every chance he gets.

Trust me. Don't do that to him or yourself.

Just for the record though, I so totally see your delimna though. Bebe and Coach are my all time favorite stores so I can definitely see how hard this would be for you. lol Seriously.

December 03, 2008

Blogger davidmartin said...

don't do it. that's gross if you start using him and you don't really like him. you are becoming what you most despise. i think you are better than that.

December 03, 2008

Blogger pokerpeaker said...


Can you just find a bad guy just to have as a sex buddy and then find a nice guy to use and stomp on his heart?

Wait, that's not very good advice.
I'm glad to hear you are looking for the right guy. Just be patient. You are attractive and a nice gal. You'll find someone eventually. And if not, maybe you can find a Sugar Daddy.

December 03, 2008

Blogger Freckle Face Girl said...

Sounds like he is just trying too hard and making himself a little nuts. I'd just be honest with him and let him know that he isn't going to get any. If he still wants to shower you with gifts, that is up to him. :)

December 03, 2008

Blogger Karen said...

You think he is crazy now. Wait until he spends a few hundred bucks on you and you go our for NYE and you don't put out.

He will be a full on stalker.

December 03, 2008

Blogger Linda Lou said...

Great blog! I don't often come across chicks as pathetic as I am. I have similarly poor taste in men. I get pissed, though, when people say "All men are assholes." I wish! There'd be a lot more men for me to choose from.

December 03, 2008

Blogger Jennifer said...

As tempting as it all may be, cut him loose and be done with him before he feels like you owe hime something. I love all the dating perks, too, but girl you need to ditch him. He's going to get scary if you don't!

December 04, 2008

Blogger Drizztdj said...

Cut it off now.

As a former "nice guy", let him fond over someone he has a shot at. Explain why you're not into him (if you can) and go from there.

You'll feel better, and both of you can go on from there without anymore guilt.

December 04, 2008


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