Saturday, February 27, 2010

Insanity - Part One

A little more than a year ago on Superbowl Sunday I went to the Aliente Casino to meet up with my parents. We were all three playing poker in the poker room, but we were all at different tables. I think I was playing No-Limit Holdem and my parents were playing at the Limit Tables.

Anyway, every month I went to a pain management doctor and hid it from everyone. I was getting 120 30 mg roxicodone pills (pain killers), 90 soma pills (muscle relaxers) and 90 zanex (anxiety meds). I didn't actually have any pain or anxiety. I just liked taking the pills. I started off taking lortabs and I moved up to roxys which are basically the same thing as oxycontin, which is basically the same thing as heroine.

I ended up taking too many muscle relaxers while I was playing poker and I started overdosing or something. I don't really remember. I just recall my parents running over to the table and my legs were shaky and I couldn't stand and I couldn't talk and my whole body was shaking and convulsing and I somehow came out of it before 911 was called and I saved myself a trip to the hospital - this time.

This wasn't an unusual situation. I almost overdosed on those stupid muscle relaxers more times than I can count. The crazy thing is that I never really saw it as a problem. I just laughed about it. Nobody really knew what was going on because I took the muscle relaxers at home. But, for some unknown reason, I decided to start taking them outside of the house which really freaked people out when they saw what was happening to me. I guess I can't blame them.

The weird thing about somas is that one day I could take three pills and not even feel it. The very next day I could take three from the same batch and I get really shaky and I wouldn't be able to speak and I would get so effed up. I think it has something to do with how much I had eaten that day. Who knows.

However, when this happened to me at the Casino on Superbowl Sunday, it alerted my parents to the fact that I was using. I don't think they knew up until this point and I said I'd go to detox. So, I checked into Westcare the next day and I tried to detox off the pain meds. I had been taking them for at least a year or two so quitting cold turkey wasn't going to work.

I met this girl Angie while I was in detox. We became really good friends. I started picking her up and taking her to meetings with me everyday, but I just wasn't ready to stop using. So, I was going to meetings all the time, but I was still popping pills.

Well, a few weeks or months later, the EXACT same thing happened and this time my parents weren't with me. I was at the M Resort playing poker in the poker room. I took too many soma's and I ended up at St. Rose Hospital on a 72 hour hold. They basically make you stay in the crazy ward for 72 hours so that they can make sure you didn't intentionally try to kill yourself. My parents came to see me and they let me out early because it was pretty obvious that I overdosed and that it wasn't intentional.

This time, my mom called the doctor and told him that I overdosed and that I was an addict and he cut me off. Not only did he cut me off, but he called another doctor that I was going to for suboxen and he cut me off too.

The problem with this is that suboxen is a pill you take to help you get off pain killers. It blocks the receptors that make you feel good so that you can't get high from heroine, or oxy's or whatever. I was sort of going back and forth with both doctors which is illegal. I was getting pain pills because I liked taking them, but I was taking suboxen whenever I didn't have the pain pills. That's NOT how suboxen is supposed to be used. You are supposed to take only suboxen. I knew that I was playing with fire so I finally ended up getting burnt.

When I got out of the hospital, I couldn't get any suboxen or pain pills and this is when I turned to heroine...

6 Comments:

Blogger lightning36 said...

I hope this story will have a good ending.

Best wishes in your struggles.

February 27, 2010

 
Blogger Doc said...

Oh wow.. I hope you have made some progress and not gone backwards.

February 28, 2010

 
Blogger Karen said...

This is some serious stuff. I am glad that you are safe and here to share the story.

February 28, 2010

 
Blogger FleaStiff said...

No, no. Its heroin NOT heroine. Big Difference!!!
Of course the body turns heroin into morphine but why would you want to take any of that stuff?
And why not cold turkey??

February 28, 2010

 
Blogger The Housewife said...

:( . I can certainly relate to addictions. I'm glad to see you're still here blogging about it and telling your story. (HUGS) girl.

February 28, 2010

 
Blogger Terri said...

oh Carmen, I'm so sorry to hear about this up and down struggle you are going through. I, too, hope that this story ends well and you can finally be done with them.

March 04, 2010

 

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