Insanity - Part Two

Today I'm meeting up with my really good friend, Jennifer and we are going to a meeting together. We met a few years ago when she had just moved to Vegas. I was running the women's N.A. Meeting out in Summerlin and I was her first friend in Vegas. She was my first real friend out here too. She has like 2 years clean now and I'm happy to be back. So, there is a silver lining to this story...

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To recap...

I overdosed a couple of times on a mixture of pain killers and muscle relaxers. My mom did what any loving parent would do. She called the doctor and had me cut off. On the street, 30 mg roxicodone costs $15.00 per pill. Heroin on the other hand is $10 for a balloon. Ten dollars will get someone REAL effed up. People who are new to the heroin scene will easily overdose on ten dollars worth of shyt. It was easier for me to obtain and it was cheaper. No brainer.

My friend Angie had no idea what she was doing when she introduced me to her friend Johnny. She thought maybe he could hook me up with some pills, but instead, he was only able to get heroin. He was like 20 years old. Pathetic. I found myself going over to his house every single day. The way it works out here and actually in a lot of places, is that the person with the connection always gets a cut. So, they don't want to give up their connection. I wanted Johnny to introduce me to the guy, but he said the guy wouldn't meet me. That's bullshit. But, whatever.

Johnny had a guy that only sold his stuff by the gram (supposedly). He charged $100 per gram. So, everyday I had to come up with fifty bucks and Johnny came up with 50 bucks and we went in halfsies. Little did I know that the guy was actually only charging $80 and Johnny was pocketing $20 everyday. Not to mention, I had to do all of the driving because he didn't have a car.

The guy we were buying it from was so slow. Sometimes we'd call him at like 10 a.m. and we'd still be waiting at 1 p.m. Kinda hard to make plans with anyone when you are sitting around all day waiting. This is when I really stopped going to meetings, stopped hanging out with people and basically fell off the face of the earth.

Little by little all of my stuff started disappearing. I got rid of my T.V. I sold most of my jewelry and that's when my computer went away too. It was the last thing I got rid of and it was the hardest.

My heart, my self esteem and my will to live kind of disappeared a little more with each item I pawned...