Monday, August 23, 2010

You guys think of a title and let me know...

So, as I sit here trying to figure out what I'm going to blog about tonight, my handy dandy blogger tool tells me that this is my 905th post. Very cool! I've been through a lot in the past few years, and at times my writing is inconsistent to put it nicely, but it's my little piece of the internet and I'm glad I have it.

This weekend turned out to be pretty good. L.A. Boy made a surprise visit so I got to spend some time with him. It's always fun when we get together and reminisce about the "good ole days". To be honest, it's pretty amazing that the two of us are alive to tell the tales. I guess we are two of the lucky ones, although sometimes I don't exactly feel lucky.

As we played the "whatever happened to so and so" game last night, quite a few of the people in our group fell into the deceased category. Most of them, no scratch that, All of them did not die of natural causes. There was a suicide, a few accidental overdoses, a brutal murder that made the papers, and that's just in our immediate circle. And then of course, there are a few that ended up spending some time in jail which was inevitable considering the "partying" that we did. Again, I can think of 3 or 4 that did time because of drugs and then another handful that did time in federal prison because of white collar crimes committed. So, yeah, we are lucky to live and tell the stories. But, I guess I'm just a little jealous of the rest of the group, the weekend warriors that were able to party like rock stars on the weekend and then show up bright eyed and bushy tailed for work on Monday. The lucky bastards. That was never my story. Because when Sunday rolled around I was conjuring up a way to keep the party going. I had to figure out which friends were down to hang for another night, who was getting the party favors, where were going to continue the party and how I was going to get out of work on Monday. I could never understand those people that went to bed before the drugs ran out!! And, when I ran across those people, I ran the other way because they made me feel bad about myself. I didn't realize it at the time. If you asked me, I would tell you that those people were lame and that I needed to hangout with people who were fun and knew how to party. And I believed it. Now I realize I was just looking for people as fucked as I was so that I could look in the mirror and believe I was doing okay.

Geez, how did I get on this long winded topic? Oh yeah. L.A. Boy. So, he came to town, it was awesome to see him. Whenever we start talking about the old times I'm able to piece together some of my past. With his memories, my blurry recollections, the pictures we have and tidbits from the rest of the crew, I can start to put the puzzle pieces in place. There is literally two or three years worth of memories that are just like crazy flashbacks I get once in a while. I figure if I can't remember it, then it's probably better that way. What I don't know can't hurt me right?? Not to mention, even if I could remember all of the details, who would believe me anyway??

Okay, enough about that for tonight.

On the VERY VERY bright side... I got through to unemployment on Thursday and I was approved to start collecting again. I should have never stopped receiving it in the first place. But, like I always do, when I should have been facing life head on and calling unemployment to find out what the error message was for, instead, I hid from them and never called them until now. On the up side, this means that I still have many months left which is awesome. On the down side, they lowered the amount that I'm receiving each week because now they are looking at my part time employment instead of the full time job I was originally collecting on. WHATEVER. I'm so happy to be getting a check again, i'm not going to whine about the specifics. Something is definitely better than nothing in this case.

I think that's all for me tonight. I'm going to do some work on my Vegas Locals page though and hopefully I can get that up and running soon! Happy Monday. I guess my East Coast Readers are just getting up for work about now. Good times!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Caller 70

Well, today is shaping up to be a little better than yesterday I think.

Yesterday one of my top priorities was to call unemployment. I got up pretty early and got on the phone immediately and I just kept getting a busy signal. Frustrating. I called and called.

So, I gave up and decided to get up earlier today and start calling. My plan worked! After about 10 minutes of busy signals, I finally got through. I answered a lot of questions electronically on the phone and now I'm caller number 70 waiting to talk to a representative so that I can re-establish my claim. Fingers crossed. I really really hope I qualify for benefits. I could really use the dough and my parents would probably love it if I could pay for my own gas and cell phone. Ya know?!

Anyway, I went to the Cannery last night for the first time in a while. Actually, Dad and I went during the day and we lost. But, then I went back at night to use my free slot play and I did pretty good. I won like 30 bucks. I walked out with about 15 and I only spent 5 on ice cream on the way home. So, I'm still 10 dollars ahead.

After this call is over, I'll be heading over to college to turn in my books and uniform. Sad. Oh well. It's just a delay. Nothing more.

Hopefully, this time next year I'll be enrolled and well on my way.

Dad and I are eating at the buffet today. We always get these 2 free buffet coupons every month for the Cannery. Totally free. They have decent food too. Especially the dessert bar. Happy Hump Day!

Monday, August 16, 2010

back again

Well, I'm back, again...

Sheesh! I'm beginning to sound like a broken record. If I even have any readers left, I wanted to let you guys know that I'm okay. I have been so inconsistent with my blog, I wouldn't be surprised if you guys all jumped ship.

At any rate. In my last post, I mentioned that I didn't go home for a night or two. Well, that night turned into a freakin week. I didn't go home and I didn't call for a whole week. I wasn't high. I wasn't out partying. I was basically hiding from my life or trying to anyway.

I feel like a piece of crap. What kind of person does that to her family?? They were so worried and I was just hiding underneath the covers pretending to be a five year old. Ridiculous.

Do you guys know that I don't even open my mail? My mom opens it all because I don't want to see it. Pathetic.

Eventually, I came crawling back home, apologized and explained that I wasn't trying to get away from them, but that it was just my life in general I was trying to avoid. Somehow they understood and I still have a place to live. Thankfully!

During the college tuition fiasco, I found out that I have a bunch of weeks left of unemployment, so I guess I will hop on the landline tomorrow and re-apply for those weeks. If it actually comes through, I will have TONS of back pay = that would be really awesome. I'll try not to get my hopes up though.

I'm not abandoning school. I'm still really psyched about the college and the program. I just need to get a better grip on my life before I commit. Plus, like I mentioned before, the free money won't come through until next year, so all signs poing to next year being my year.

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And now, I'm going to sit down and catch up on the past few weeks of True Blood that I missed. Can't wait. Are you guys loving this season as much as I am??

Friday, August 06, 2010

Just five more minutes...

A few days ago, I went into the college for my financial aid appointment. I forgot the tax returns from last year initially, but when I brought them in, there was a tiny problem. Well, actually, it's not so tiny. Apparently since I made the HUGE income of $20,000 in 2009 and most of it was unemployment money, I don't qualify for one of the federal pell grants that I was depending on. I mean, to be fair, these people ASSURED me that everyone qualifies for the money and that it's really just a matter of how much money they are going to give me. I did all of the paperwork, I was candid and open about my work history and my earnings and now all of a sudden things aren't looking so rosy. They gave me a new stack of paperwork to fill out and this is for actual loans and that means I need an actual co-signer. This is not cool, I'm not pleased and to be honest, I don't even know if I have a co-signer. I mean, my parents probably would, but the amount of debt is ridiculous and I just don't want anyone to be on the hook for that money. They are retired, the last thing they need is a freaking student loan hanging over their heads.

And then, not to be greedy, but the federal pell grants are FREE money that I wouldn't have to pay back. The loan money is way different and they accrue interest at a fairly high rate and now things aren't looking as perfect as they initially were.

I have a lot to think about and to add something else into the mix...

So far this year I haven't made any money and that's a good thing in the eyes of the school. If I can keep this steak going, I'll have no problem getting the grant for next year. Should I just hold off on the school thing for a few months so that I can save myself a butt load of money?? I dunno.

These and many other issues have been swirling around in my head. I'm still dealing with some MAJOR consequences from the past few months and that's weighing on me heavily. In addition, there's a health issue that has recently popped up and before I say anything more, I have to get checked out. It might be nothing and I hope it is, but it's not the kind of thing you just procrastinate on. In addition, I'm trying to get some health insurance through the state before I get a diagnosis that could be deemed "pre-existig condition". Those are two words I don't need to have slapped on mu file.

So, I'm not dealing with the stress very well and I'm not too proud to admit I sort of had a little breakdown the other day on my way into school and I couldn't get out of my car, I couldn't figure out where to go, who to call, what to do and I'm still lost.

I went to a friend's house and I haven't been home since.

Of course, home is supposed to be where the heart is, and it is, but my hearts just stress me out sometimes and I want to please them and make them proud of me and I constantly feel like I'm letting them down. And then of course, we have these constant struggles regarding my place in the house, my curfew, how often I should check in with them etc. Yes, I said "curfew" and I said "checking in with them".
I know that these aren't words you usually hear from a thirty something, but since I'm living in my parent's house, there are some rules. I don't mind the rules most of the time, but occasionally they stir up some conflict.

So, now, two full nights have gone by and I just haven't gone home. I guess I'm afraid to hear what my parents are going to say about my disappearing act. I'm not usually one to just disappear. Sure, they might not know where I am for a couple of hours here or there, but I always let them know if its going to be an overnight thing. Okay, in my defense though, this wasn't a planned event. I stopped by my friend's house mid breakdown and I haven't left since. I did send my mom a text to let her know that I'm alive, but now my phone is dead.

I'll just say it... It's nice to be around a good friend, kick back, laugh, and get my mind off things. No lectures, no looks of disapproval and no arguments, stress or drama. Pure Utopia. Of course all good things must come to an end and some decisions have to be made and I'll do that. And now, I'll have a clearer head hopefully and I'll be prepared to do the right thing even if I have to disappoint myself and hold off on school until it makes sense regarding the free money.

Wow, was that a long enough dissertation about how I've spent my last few hours?? I don't even know if it made sense. I definitely acknowledge the rambling, but if nothing else I feel like I got some stuff off my chest and now the sun is shining so I guess it's time to get out of bed. Oh well, maybe just five more minutes...snooze.

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

yikes

Good lord. They sure do believe in jumping right in when it comes to school here. Well, I guess because it's a condensed degree program, they just cram as much crap in as possible. hehe I'm not really complaining, I'm just a little overwelmed. We have a different class every night of the week and we attend class from 6 - 11 p.m. Monday - Thursday. When the admissions lady said that classes can be anywhere from 6 - 11 she meant that we'd actually be going to school just a few hours during that timeframe. I had no idea I'd actually be attending class every night until 11 p.m. UGH!

And then, you just have no idea the amount of books I have. Thankfully, they are covered in the cost of the tuition. Because, I had to actually buy a suitcase on rollers today so that I'd be able to carry all of this shit around.

Anyway, It's like one a.m. and I'm just now sitting down with a bagel, an ice cold coca cola and a head full of knowledge that I need to get down into an essay format.

The paper is due tomorrow, and, of course, I waited til last minute to write it. I'd like to say that I work well under pressure, but I'm not sure if that's the truth, or if I just like waiting til the last minute because I like the drama of it all. Who knows.

Time to write though.

I'll stop by later to give you guys an update!

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wow! 1:45 a.m and my paper is written. I mean, to be honest, it was just a tiny 350 word bio about myself. Who knows me better than me? Piece of cake! I just wish there was someone around to read it before I send it off to the professor. Maybe I'll log into messenger and see if anyone is awake.

Hit me up if you are up!