It's Humpday and I'm Back!
Hey guys! Sorry about the disappearing act again. I've gotten so crazy in my older age. I used to love talking about drama and discussing every little detail with you guys and depression never even existed in my life when I was younger. Unfortunately that is not the case these days. I suffer from depression and it's pretty manageable most of the time but when things happen that really throw me off I have a hard time recovering.....
So, I was working at Salvation Army and I thought I was doing a great job. All of the feedback I was given from my boss was positive and I was never late, I never took off and I worked VERY hard all day long. Granted, I've never been a supervisor before and to step in and supervise 32 female drug addicts who don't want to be there was kind of challenging. I don't always have the most kindest bedside manner if you know what I mean. I'm from Baltimore, I'm blunt, I tell it like it is and this doesn't always go over so well with temperamental, moody, insecure addicts (like myself). It's just a given that when you are in early recovery you are sensitive and a lot of us take things very personally and get our feelings hurt easily etc.
Back to the story... I was working and everything was fine. Then, around the end of my 6th week the BIG boss comes out Friday afternoon at 3 p.m. and without any warning she moves Ursula back into my job as Production Supervisor in the clothing department and she moves me into the Production Supervisor position in the Brick A Brac department. She was very short with me, she gave no reason as to why the move was taking place and to be honest she was rather bitchy. This Big Boss lady by the way is brand new. She's been working there for like 2 months. She's not a drug addict, she knows nothing about recovery and the tools of manipulation we use when we want to get our way. She moved Ursula back to my department which was odd because Ursula used to run that department for 20 years but she sat down a lot and Heidi didn't like that. She wanted us supervisors walking the floor all day. No sitting at the desk and well, Ursula is older and not in great shape so she didn't have the energy that I had. I never sat down. The reason Ursula was moved and I got her job was because of these reasons. So, now all of a sudden without any warning and without any reason she's just moving Ursula back???? I was shocked and stunned. I looked at my boss with a very puzzled face and he rolled his eyes to let me know he wasn't in favor of the switch and that was that. He was very aggravated because she didn't even consult with him. She runs the Rehab and the Warehouse so that means that she's actually in the warehouse for about 5 minutes a week.
Saturday night was an awards banquet at UNLV and Salvation army was receiving an award so I was invited by one of the counselors. Finally, at this little shindig I was filled in as to what really happened. Apparently, one of the girls that I was supervising went up to the BIG boss (heidi) and whined and complained and cried about me being rude. I don't know what girl it was, I don't know what I supposedly said or did, I wasn't given any information, I couldn't defend myself and to this day I'm still not sure what I supposedly did. All I know is that I made a girl upset, probably because I caught her stealing, caught her hiding and trying to take a nap or caught her fraternizing with a boy. All in all, the girls just didn't want to have to work and I was the one that was there all day trying to get them to work.
So, I was thinking about this new department (Brick A Brack) and it's just like it sounds.... It's all the bullshit and junk that doesn't fit into any other category. It's so lame. You literally tag picture frames and like books and DVD's all day. Yawn. Instead of supervising 32 females I was now in charge of about 7 guys and that was definitely going to be much more manageable. But, Monday came around and I was trained in Brick A Brack, I worked all day, hated it so much and decided to apply for a secretarial position that was being advertised. I mean, let's be honest, I was hired on as the production supervisor in clothing. I never signed on for this Brick A Brack nonsense. I wouldn't have taken the job. So, when my day was over I drove over to the Corp which is the Salvation Army Church and also where HR is located. I picked up an application and started filling it out as I talked to my freind Veronica. Her and I were in the rehab program together. She was being promoted to an HR position so her receptionist job was available and I have LOTS of secretarial experience. All of a sudden, the HR Manager calls Veronica and tells her that they want to see me. How did they even know I was there?????? This wasn't a planned visit, I just wanted to apply for a different position.
I go back to HR and they fire me. All they said was that a client complained that I was rude to her and since it was still my probationary period they were just going to call it a day. That's it. I didn't get to defend myself. I don't know who said what. And when I left, I called my boss to find out what was going on and he didn't even know about it. This BIG boss lady just moved me on Friday so that she could have a few days to talk HR into letting her get rid of me. Oh, because when I was leaving the HR office after being canned, I saw that bitch out in the parking lot.
I was devastated. I really thought I was doing a good job. You know, it's one thing to get canned when you are partying and doing drugs and staying out all hours of the night. That's a pretty obvious mistake and you can't take that too personal because you are not even trying. But, when you have 14 months clean and you feel like you've been given a great chance to make a difference and start over, and you work as hard as you possibly could work and it's still not good enough.... well, that's harder to deal with. I was so invested in Salvation Army. I was in the Alumni program and I donated my time as a driver on the weekends just to pitch in and then this happens and I'm confused, saddened, embarassed, betrayed and a bunch of other stuff. I just didn't take it well. Of course I'll be damned if I'll be donating my time ever again. No more alumni, no more giving back. done.
I went straight back to my other job at the call center and thankfully they were happy to have me back. So, I'm still working but I've lost a lot of weight, I've been depressed and stressed and I've been gambling like it's my new full time job except that I lose a lot so it's really just another addiction that I've re-opened. Gambling used to be a problem but when I got clean I was able to control it a lot better. Now, I'm gambling and losing and I haven't been going to many meetings and I haven't stepped foot into the Salvation Army since I walked out that day. I never even went back to get my stuff. Oh, and how's this for a conspiracy theory???? Three days after I got fired, my boss was let go too. So, I dunno whats really going on at that place and I don't know why some people are fired so easily over there and yet others stay for decades and they get caught stealing and everything else yet they are still allowed to work there. It's just crazy.
Last week I literally didn't get out of my bed for about 4 days. My parents literally had to beg me and somewhat force me to get up and just play poker at the clubhouse with them. I love poker and playing at the clubhouse. I managed to force myself into playing and it was pretty fun.
I'm starting to come out of the depression. I've been forcing myself to do things and it's helping. So, I think the worst is over finally. I hope so.
Hope all you guys have a great Wednesday!! I promise to write more. Thanks for sticking around and reading :)