Don't get Trapped

Wow.   Where did the month of April go?  I honestly don't know.  It flew by and I don't think I even have one cute story to share from last month.  Well, if it's important it'll come to me.  Anyway, my mom's best friends from back home in Baltimore finally came out to visit my parents.  So, we live in a two bedroom house and my room was never actually intended to be my room.  It was their guest room.  Unfortunately that damn room gets way more use than just being a guest room but oh well.  I'm thankful to have it.

The bad news is that I had to give it up for this week cause my mom wanted her guests to stay here.  Up until a few days ago I was still trying to figure out where the hell I was going to stay for a week.  My mom even offered to pay for a Budget Suites or Siegel Suites for me for the week but I just couldn't ask her to lay out more ridiculous money on such nonsense.  Not to mention that I REALLY don't want to contribute to those lowdown crooks.  Damn Siegel and his buddy Budget.  They are such scumbags.  If we were in prison they would be as low as the child molesters.  They might even get beat up more.  I digress but this is an issue that I am very passionate about.  Plus, if you don't live here in Vegas this might be interesting information to store away in your brain.  You never know when it might come in handy.

Siegel Suites and Budget Suites are typically inhabited by people who don't have their own house.  Obviously.  They are weeklies so they arent fancy, your lucky if there is a pool and there definitely isn't any room service.  Back when I was using heavily I remember a trip or two or three through the budget suites to get my drugs.  They sell sex, drugs and pretty much anything you want out of those places and as a result there is a lot of crime and the police are there a lot.  As a result, the powers that be ( the cops and the hotel owners) put there heads together and decided to work with each other instead of against each other in an effort to ruin our lives.

Picture this...

You come to Las Vegas on vacation and for whatever reason your cushy strip property didn't work out.  Maybe you lost your money, maybe you just want to bang a prostitute somewhere you defintely won't be spotted or maybe you are trying to rebuild your life and get a job so you are willing to pay the outrageous weekly fees until you can pay for those damn traffic warrants that are looming overhead. So, you check into the office, give them your information, they take a quick photocopy of your license, you pay $250 for the week, get your key and head upstairs to your room to relax.  But an hour later...... BAM BAM BAM!!  Open up it's the police.  That's right.  Siegel Suites looked you up on the computer, you have some old ass traffic warrants from 5 years ago that you didn't pay on and now you are going to jail.  No, you may not call someone to get your dog.  Nope, sorry, the luggage has to stay here and absolutely NO...  You won't be getting a refund on the room even though you checked in an hour ago .  You won't be out of jail before the week ends, they will definitely call the pound if you have an animal, your stuff will not be held and stored for you somewhere safe.  It'll be donated or just given away to the local bums.

Honestly, I cant tell you how many people I've met while sitting in jail who fell into the Siegel Suites trap.  It used to be that the cops would ride through the parking lots of the weeklys and call in the tag numbers of all the vehicles and then they would knock on doors and stuff to take people to jail or they would wait outside for them to come out.  Now, since they partnered up things are running much more efficiently.  The cops don't have to do shit.  Siegel and Budget fax them the license of every single guest that chicks in.  They don't warn you that this is a bad place to stay if you have warrants.  They don't refund your money.  They let you pay and then an hour later you are in handcuffs.  UGH.  I hate them.

Back to my story and it' s really not that interesting......  I'm just staying at my mom's friend's house in the neighborhood.  Her name is Jan and her husband Dick obviously lives there too.  It's just them two and now me.  I was a little nervous at first cause I wasn't sure if I'd be comfortable and I thought it might be really awkward or whatever.   But it's way cooler than I imagined.  Dick and Jan are very sweet and funny and the room I'm in is great.  I have a  nice big bed and a great TV with cable and a working remote control.  he he  I definitely can't complain.

Of course I went to the wrong house the first night I was there.   That was pretty bad.  It was 11 pm on a Monday night in a retirement community and here I am knocking on the wrong door of the wrong house and I woke some poor woman up and she didn't know who I was and couldn't figure out what I was doing there.  She didn't actually open the door either so it was hard to communicate effectively through the front door so I just gave up and left. hehe

It's Humpday and I'm Back!

Hey guys!  Sorry about the disappearing act again.  I've gotten so crazy in my older age.  I used to love talking about drama and discussing every little detail with you guys and depression never even existed in my life when I was younger.  Unfortunately that is not the case these days.  I suffer from depression and it's pretty manageable most of the time but when things happen that really throw me off I have a hard time recovering.....


So, I was working at Salvation Army and I thought I was doing a great job.  All of the feedback I was given from my boss was positive and I was never late, I never took off and I worked VERY hard all day long.  Granted, I've never been a supervisor before and to step in and supervise 32 female drug addicts who don't want to be there was kind of challenging.  I don't always have the most kindest bedside manner if you know what I mean.  I'm from Baltimore, I'm blunt, I tell it like it is and this doesn't always go over so well with temperamental, moody, insecure addicts (like myself).  It's just a given that when you are in early recovery you are sensitive and a lot of us take things very personally and get our feelings hurt easily etc.

Back to the story...  I was working and everything was fine.  Then, around the end of my 6th week the BIG boss comes out Friday afternoon at 3 p.m. and without any warning she moves Ursula back into my job as Production Supervisor in the clothing department and she moves me into the Production Supervisor position in the Brick A Brac department.  She was very short with me, she gave no reason as to why the move was taking place and to be honest she was rather bitchy.  This Big Boss lady by the way is brand  new.  She's been working there for like 2 months.  She's not a drug addict, she knows nothing about recovery and the tools of manipulation we use when we want to get our way.  She moved Ursula back to my department which was odd because Ursula used to run that department for 20 years but she sat down a lot and Heidi didn't like that.  She wanted us supervisors walking the floor all day.  No sitting at the desk and well, Ursula is older and not in great shape so she didn't have the energy that I had.  I never sat down.  The reason Ursula was moved and I got her job was because of these reasons.   So, now all of a sudden without any warning and without any reason she's just moving Ursula back????  I was shocked and stunned.  I looked at my boss with a very puzzled face and he rolled his eyes to let me know he wasn't in favor of the switch and that was that.  He was very aggravated because she didn't even consult with him.  She runs the Rehab and the Warehouse so that means that she's actually in the warehouse for about 5 minutes a week.

Saturday night was an awards banquet at UNLV and Salvation army was receiving an award so I was invited by one of the counselors.  Finally, at this little shindig I was filled in as to what really happened.  Apparently, one of the girls that I was supervising went up to the BIG boss (heidi) and whined and complained and cried about me being rude.  I don't know what girl it was, I don't know what I supposedly said or did, I wasn't given any information, I couldn't defend myself and to this day I'm still not sure what I supposedly did.  All I know is that I made a girl upset, probably because I caught her stealing, caught her hiding and trying to take a nap or caught her fraternizing with a boy.  All in all, the girls just didn't want to have to work and I was the one that was there all day trying to get them to work.

So, I was thinking about this new department (Brick A Brack) and it's just like it sounds....  It's all the bullshit and junk that doesn't fit into any other category.  It's so lame.  You literally tag picture frames and like books and DVD's all day.  Yawn.  Instead of supervising 32 females I was now in charge of about 7 guys and that was definitely going to be much more manageable.  But, Monday came around and I was trained in Brick A Brack, I worked all day, hated it so much and decided to apply for a secretarial position that was being advertised.  I mean, let's be honest, I was hired on as the production supervisor in clothing.  I never signed on for this Brick A Brack nonsense.  I wouldn't have taken the job.   So, when my day was over I drove over to the Corp which is the Salvation Army Church and also where HR is located.  I picked up an application and started filling it out as I talked to my freind Veronica.  Her and I were in the rehab program together.  She was being promoted to an HR position so her receptionist job was available and I have LOTS of secretarial experience.  All of a sudden, the HR Manager calls Veronica and tells her that they want to see me.  How did they even know I was there??????  This wasn't a planned visit, I just wanted to apply for a different position.

I go back to HR and they fire me.  All they said was that a client complained that I was rude to her and since it was still my probationary period  they were just going to call it a day. That's it. I didn't get to defend myself.  I don't know who said what.  And when I left, I called my boss to find out what was going on and he didn't even know about it.  This BIG boss lady just moved me on Friday so that she could have a few days to talk HR into letting her get rid of me.  Oh, because when I was leaving the HR office after being canned, I saw that bitch out in the parking lot.

I was devastated.  I really thought I was doing a good job.  You know, it's one thing to get canned when you are partying and doing drugs and staying out all hours of the night.  That's a pretty obvious mistake and you can't take that too personal because you are not even trying.  But, when you have 14 months clean and you feel like you've been given a great chance to make a difference and start over, and you work as hard as you possibly could work and it's still not good enough....  well, that's harder to deal with.  I was so invested in Salvation Army.  I was in the Alumni program and I donated my time as a driver on the weekends just to pitch in and then this happens and I'm confused, saddened, embarassed, betrayed and a bunch of other stuff.   I just didn't take it well. Of course I'll be damned if I'll be donating my time ever again.  No more alumni, no more giving back.  done.

I went straight back to my other job at the call center and thankfully they were happy to have me back.  So, I'm still working but I've lost a lot of weight, I've been depressed and stressed and I've been gambling like it's  my new full time job except that I lose a lot so it's really just another addiction that I've re-opened.  Gambling used to be a problem but when I got clean I was able to control it a lot better.  Now, I'm gambling and losing and I haven't been going to many meetings and I haven't stepped foot into the Salvation Army since I walked out that day.  I never even went back to get my stuff.  Oh, and how's this for a conspiracy theory????  Three days after I got fired, my boss was let go too.  So, I dunno whats really going on at that place and I don't know why some people are fired so easily over there and yet others stay for decades and they get caught stealing and everything else yet they are still allowed to work there.    It's just crazy.

Last week I literally didn't get out of my bed for about 4 days.  My parents literally had to beg me and somewhat force me to get up and just play poker at the clubhouse with them.  I love poker and playing at the  clubhouse.  I managed to force myself into playing and it was pretty fun.

I'm starting to come out of the depression.  I've been forcing myself to do things and it's helping.  So, I think the worst is over finally.  I hope so.

Hope all you guys have a great Wednesday!!  I promise to write more.  Thanks for sticking around and reading :)

Oops

Neat little story...  My mom and I were shopping at Michael's Craft Store the other day (Sunday) and a manager approaches us and tells my mom that it's "random acts of kindness day" in the store and she handed my mother a gift card for 25 bucks!  She said that they usually only give out 5 dollar gift cards but she thought my mom looked so nice and she really wanted to give her the bigger gift card.   She's right though.  My mom is so big hearted and she's always smiling and always thinking of others.  It was a really nice thing and she totally deserved it.

Today at work my boss called me into his office and told me that one of the girls complained to her counselor that I talk down to them.  So, he just told me that it's really hard to make the transition from client of Salvation Army to Employee of Salvation Army and especially to Supervisor for Salvation Army.  Where I used to be the one slacking off and talking shit to the girls and making fun of people (as a client) now I have to try to set a good example and be empathetic and sympathetic while still doing my job which means ensuring the girls work all day, making sure they don't steal, trying to keep them away from the boys and clothing more than 100 clients.  It's tough.  And, to be honest, I'm not always the nicest person, I'm short in the patience department and I blurt things out without thinking.  I am also a very hard worker so its frustrating for me to deal with people who are lazy and rude.  I'm trying though.

I try to give a lot of warnings instead of giving them writeups but that's going to have to stop.  They really do take advantage of me because I'm easy on them.  So, unfortunately, instead of getting frustrated and talking to them in sarcastic tones and yelling at them, I will have to do less talking and give out more writeups.  Then they will know I really mean business.

Since I started working there a little over a month ago I've given out two writeups to guys that literally cussed me out and I've given out two writeups for females that were given several warnings and they both blatantly continued to do what they were doing so I had no other choice.  The girls both left the program as soon as they were told they were being written up.  Both buys stayed because they were court ordered to be there but they both had to apologize to me. I haven 't had any problems with those guys since.

Anyway, hopefully I can figure out a good balance and try to treat the girls with more respect which in turn will mean they will respect me more.  I hope.

Nightly Ritual

Yay!  It's officially my Friday night.  I am tired as hell.   I worked all day in the warehouse and then I volunteered my time to take the in-patient clients to an outside AA Mtg.  We went to the Triangle Club on Trop and Nellis.  I'm not a huge fan of that place.  The meeting was little different.  I am definitely taking them somewhere else next Saturday.  Probably to the Rooms on  Sahara.  I love that place.

Everyone else has a 3 day weekend but since the warehouse was open today, I worked, so that means I get my normal days off (Sunday and Monday).  I would have received holiday pay for Monday but I'm still on a probationary period at work so I don't get anything for this holiday.  Two more months and my benefits ill kick in and I'll get holidays off finally or I'll get paid for them.

So, tomorrow I'm gonna try not to waste too much money on bullshit.  It'll probably be hard though.  I usually play poker in the Retirement Community on Sundays so there is a good chance I will still do that.  I dunno.  I need to find something to snack on so Opie and I can cuddle in my room and he can beg for my food.  It's our nightly ritual.

Well, goodnight....

Best and Worst

I thought I'd do a quick Grammy Red Carpet post.  I used to do these all of the time and I enjoyed them but in the past few years I've been too busy in my own little world so I never had the time or patience to type one of these up.  So, here goes.

My Best and Worst

Katy Perry... Um....  I dunno.  I'm kind of torn.  The critics really think she looks great in this and while I do agree that her body look phenomenal, her boobs might be hanging out just a tad too much.  I'm a big fan of nice boobs, but damn, this is taking it to a whole another level.  

Jennifer Lopez...  I don't like this look at all.  Her hair looks very severe, the dress reminds me of a black leotard I used to wear for gymnastics and the high slit is clearly a copycat of something Angelina Jolie wore recently.  I'm not impressed.

Beyonce....  This would be nice for a dinner party or something but she does not look Grammy ready.  She is way too underdressed.

Kelly Rowland...  She looks amazing!  I'm a fan of this dress and moreover, I'm a fan of her body in this dress!  Fantastic!

Taylor Swift... Very classy.  I feel like I've seen it before.  There is nothing risky or super exciting about this. It's nice enough but I wish she would take some risks.

Adele.... Um...  Yuck!  Did she really wear this out of the house and especially on a red carpet??  Why??

Carrie Underwood... She's very pretty in this dress, with the hair down and the diamonds around the neck.  I'm digging it.

Kimbra... Well, she took a risk, that's for sure.  It didn't pay off though.  It's pretty horrific.

Maria Menounos...I love the color of this dress, I like the slit and the shoes are amazing.  I kinda like it.  At first glance I thought it looked too boring on the top half of the body.  But the more I look at it the more I like it.

Rihanna... Very pretty!!!!  I love the color.  I love her hair and the chiffon.  I'm really enjoying this look and I like that she changed it up this time and went with classy instead of edgy.

That's it!  I think if I had to pick a favorite it would be.....

Rihanna!!  You go girl!

How the tables have turned

I love having Sunday and Monday off work! So, today I'm going to the noon meeting and then I'll be having dinner with my parents around 4:30 pm. Yes, we really eat dinner that early. I dunno why. The three of us are playing in the Poker Palace Tournament at 6:30 tonight. I'm looking forward to it. I really enjoy that tourney. I've been spending way too much money on stupid ass slot machines lately. After tonight I'm going to take a few days off from the casino. I'm a firm believer that luck comes in streaks. So, usually, when I'm hot I'm really winning and and on the other hand, when when I'm losing I'm REALLY losing. So, switching casinos or machines or whatever just doesn't seem to work because I'm going to keep losing no matter what.

Anyway, there's this girl that I used to be in Salvation Army with. She came in about 6 weeks after me and I did not care for her. The main reason is because she snitched on me to my boss her first day there. She went out of her way to tell on me for sitting down in the warehouse on her first day!!!!! I was pissed. I cussed her out and called her a snitch and I'm not proud of this behavior but I was mean to her the whole rest of our time there and I even tried to turn people against her. I was not a very nice person when I was a client. I've grown a lot since then. Anyway, this particular girl actually stayed clean and I ran into her a few times in the past year at meetings and I made amends with her. I got her number and even called her a few times because I can admit when I'm wrong and it was nice to see someone I was in-patient with actually staying clean. Most everyone else relapsed.

So, last week I was up at the front desk and she was there and she was crying and she apparently relapsed and got into some trouble with her probation officer and she was trying to get back into the Salvation Army program. I hugged her and told her to see my boss because he has a lot of pull and he could probably help her get back in without much of a wait. The waiting list is a few months long normally. My boss and his memory are uncanny. He actually remembered that I didn't like her and he shared something with me...

She was actually his first choice for my job. He tried to get a hold of her and she never responded so that's when he offered me the job. UGH! That was a little difficult to hear. But, truth be told, she was a very hard worker when we were in the program together. I was a hard worker too, but she jumped in day one and embraced the warehouse and all of the girls. I was a little slower. I kind of fought it and had a negative attitude at first. I came around but it took a while.

Anyway, I'm sure she would have done a good job in my position but she didn't stay clean and I did. That's pretty much what it all boils down too. So, when she gets back into the program I will be her boss. I'm working really hard on being a better person. I'm trying to be more humble, more grateful and more empathetic with the other girls. I tend to be very black and white and kind of no nonsense. It's a process that's for sure.

Well, I gotta get ready.  Happy Monday to all!

Still Flying High

I'm still riding high from the amazing few weeks I've had. I mean, seriously, I graduated drug court, got an amazing new full time job at the Salvation Army, and of course the Ravens won the superbowl. It's so awesome!!!!!! FUN FUN!!!! Here's a few pictures from Superbowl Sunday.... Me and Amy (my friend from Baltimore and N.A. Meetings)

My mom and her friend Jane...

My dad and his friend Angelo....

All of us....

Another interesting thing is that I saw Nicholas Cage and Carrot Top in the VIP Section of the Sportsbook on Sunday. Neat huh???? I wish I could have gotten a picture but of course he had security and everything. Other than that, work has been good. I'm still very busy and happily my day flies by. I played in the Poker Palace poker tournament earlier tonight and didn't win. I won last week though so that was awesome. My uncle is flying into town and staying for a week at the end of this month and we only have a two bedroom house. He gets my room usually and I sleep on the couch, but that was when I wasn't working full time and it didn't matter if I didn't get much sleep. Now that I am working full time and I get up at 5:30 a.m. we have to arrange something else. So, my parents are going to put one of us up in a hotel for the week. I guess we are letting my uncle decide where he wants to stay. So, there is a possibility that I might be staying on Fremont Street for a week. My mom said they have a really cheap rates at the D Hotel I think. Salvation Army is actually right around the corner from there so it would be convenient to work, but I would be rather tempted to gamble a lot if I was staying there so that might be kind of challenging. We shall see. Good luck to those of you in the North East part of the country. I guess there is a big storm headed your way so be careful!!