Sunday, February 28, 2010

Blast from the past

I'm cracking up. I was just going through my mom's pictures on the computer and I found some really old ones of me (pre-boob job). Ahhhh - so young, so innocent. ha ha

I wish I could go back in time.

Me and my dad...




My cousins and I...

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Insanity - Part One

A little more than a year ago on Superbowl Sunday I went to the Aliente Casino to meet up with my parents. We were all three playing poker in the poker room, but we were all at different tables. I think I was playing No-Limit Holdem and my parents were playing at the Limit Tables.

Anyway, every month I went to a pain management doctor and hid it from everyone. I was getting 120 30 mg roxicodone pills (pain killers), 90 soma pills (muscle relaxers) and 90 zanex (anxiety meds). I didn't actually have any pain or anxiety. I just liked taking the pills. I started off taking lortabs and I moved up to roxys which are basically the same thing as oxycontin, which is basically the same thing as heroine.

I ended up taking too many muscle relaxers while I was playing poker and I started overdosing or something. I don't really remember. I just recall my parents running over to the table and my legs were shaky and I couldn't stand and I couldn't talk and my whole body was shaking and convulsing and I somehow came out of it before 911 was called and I saved myself a trip to the hospital - this time.

This wasn't an unusual situation. I almost overdosed on those stupid muscle relaxers more times than I can count. The crazy thing is that I never really saw it as a problem. I just laughed about it. Nobody really knew what was going on because I took the muscle relaxers at home. But, for some unknown reason, I decided to start taking them outside of the house which really freaked people out when they saw what was happening to me. I guess I can't blame them.

The weird thing about somas is that one day I could take three pills and not even feel it. The very next day I could take three from the same batch and I get really shaky and I wouldn't be able to speak and I would get so effed up. I think it has something to do with how much I had eaten that day. Who knows.

However, when this happened to me at the Casino on Superbowl Sunday, it alerted my parents to the fact that I was using. I don't think they knew up until this point and I said I'd go to detox. So, I checked into Westcare the next day and I tried to detox off the pain meds. I had been taking them for at least a year or two so quitting cold turkey wasn't going to work.

I met this girl Angie while I was in detox. We became really good friends. I started picking her up and taking her to meetings with me everyday, but I just wasn't ready to stop using. So, I was going to meetings all the time, but I was still popping pills.

Well, a few weeks or months later, the EXACT same thing happened and this time my parents weren't with me. I was at the M Resort playing poker in the poker room. I took too many soma's and I ended up at St. Rose Hospital on a 72 hour hold. They basically make you stay in the crazy ward for 72 hours so that they can make sure you didn't intentionally try to kill yourself. My parents came to see me and they let me out early because it was pretty obvious that I overdosed and that it wasn't intentional.

This time, my mom called the doctor and told him that I overdosed and that I was an addict and he cut me off. Not only did he cut me off, but he called another doctor that I was going to for suboxen and he cut me off too.

The problem with this is that suboxen is a pill you take to help you get off pain killers. It blocks the receptors that make you feel good so that you can't get high from heroine, or oxy's or whatever. I was sort of going back and forth with both doctors which is illegal. I was getting pain pills because I liked taking them, but I was taking suboxen whenever I didn't have the pain pills. That's NOT how suboxen is supposed to be used. You are supposed to take only suboxen. I knew that I was playing with fire so I finally ended up getting burnt.

When I got out of the hospital, I couldn't get any suboxen or pain pills and this is when I turned to heroine...

Really??

Before I go any further with the story, I gotta tell you about last night. I went over to the Cannery with my parents - BIG Friday night on the town! Anyway, I took a shower, but I didn't wear anything sexy, I let my hair air dry, I didn't put on much makeup, and I wore a wedding ring. I just wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone.

So, how is it that I had 3 different guys hit on me and ask for my phone number? Isn't that hysterical? Whenever I want to meet someone, it never works. And, when I want to be left alone, that never happens either.

Whatever. I'm going to see my good friend and ex flame, Chris tonight. I haven't seen him in years. I'm super excited. It'll be so good to hangout with someone that I know cares about me. Someone I know isn't using me.

I think he's staying at the Wynn. I haven't been to the Wynn in ages. It'll be a good time.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

And the story begins...

I remember a few months ago - hell, at this point it was probably more like a few years ago. Time flies when you are in a drug fueled haze. Anyway, we'll just say it was a while ago, one of my favorite bloggers, Crystal from Boobs, Injuries and Dr. Pepper did a series of posts about her life entitled "The Crazy Chronicles". I loved it so much I started doing a series of posts about my life too. It was hard to remember all of the details, but I tried and I think I did a decent job. So, I'm going to attempt to do another series of posts about the past few months. It'll give you guys an idea of what I've been through lately and it'll be therapeutic for me. I'm sure the haters out there will say I'm too honest and that I put too much out there. But, fuck it. I don't care. I'm not working right now so there's no HR Department to worry about. No fear of losing any job. And really, what have I got to lose?? I've pretty much lost everything already anyway.

I think I'll start with a cast of characters....

*The names have been changed/shortened to protect the guilty


Boy Looking Meth Head - Short haired confused lesbian/dyke/bi-sexual wanna be dude. Basically, she's a really ugly girl, that looks like a boy. She's starved for attention, and will sleep with anyone that will allow her to. We started off as friends but she turned out to be a vindictive, sneaky, crazy bitch. More to come

Terrible's Guy - Guy I met at Terribles Casino. We dated for a few weeks. As of press time I haven't decided how I feel about him, but it's not looking good.

Landlord - Boyfriend to the Owner of the house where Boy looking meth head, Terribles Guy and I were living.

Old Roomie - Creepy Old guy that I was living with in Henderson. We were just friends, but if he had it his way it would have been more.

Bob - He's supposedly a friend of Boy Looking Meth Head but he left her stranded at the bus station without even calling to make sure she made it home okay. He also didn't even stop by to say goodbye to her when she was leaving. It makes you wonder.

Boy Looking Meth Head's Ex - T's lesbian lover. When I met her, she was no longer sleeping with Tye. She was just using her for drugs. Tye knew she was being used, but she was pathetic enough to allow it to happen.

Molly - 40 something bleach blonde and very hyper train wreck. She was living in her storage facility when Boy Looking Meth Head and her Ex met her. As far as I can tell, she has a good heart but has had a tough life. Especially when it comes to men. Molly trusted Boy Looking Meth Head to be the go between. She gave her the money to get her drugs and in return, Boy Looking Meth Head robbed her blind. She would literally keep half the bag herself and only gave Molly a tiny portion of what she was paying for. It was really sick to watch.

Gotta eat some dinner. Back later!

Ugh...

Well, It's 3:30 p.m. and I'm just now getting off the couch for the first time today. Trying to get off drugs and going through a breakup at the same time is not easy. I'll be okay though. I guess I've been through worse. Although I can't think of anything worse at the moment.

I'm heading to a meeting soon. I'll be back later to update.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Manic Monday

Another Monday... Where do I begin??

This weekend was pretty hectic. Due to tensions in the house, I decided to move out last night. I took as much stuff as I could over to my parent's house and they let me spend the night. More to come on that situation. I just don't have the energy to get into it right now.

My parents made dinner for us last night - we had pork chops, twice baked potato, salad, asparagus and an awesome fudge cake for dessert. DAMN! I hadn't eaten all day so I basically wolfed it down.

I finally got caught up on some T.V. watching too. I had DVR'ed Models of the Runway, Family Guy and Cougar Town. I watched them all and I have another ten shows taping today.

I am hoping the rents will let me stay here another night. I'm sure they will. I have plans for where I'll be moving for good. But I'm not going to say anything about it until it happens.

A few days ago, I reconnected with my friend Chris. We used to both work for and hangout with this guy Bill. I told you guys about him. He overdosed and died when I was in rehab a few years ago. He owned a debt consolidation company that was shady and he was being investigated by the Feds. It was a real mess. Anyway, Chris and I both moved to Florida for a while and now we both live on the west coast. He's in Cali and I'm in Vegas. He's coming out here next weekend to visit. I'm totally psyched. I haven't seen him in ages!! I miss him a lot. Hopefully I'll have some good pictures to post.

I have so much dirt to spill to you guys, but I just don't have the time this morning.

So, have a good Monday and I'll be back soon!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Another Day

So, yesterday was a crazy day. My parents were coming over for dinner at 6:30 p.m. We had to get the filet mignon's and garlic mash and salad which wouldn't have been a big deal, but Gary had to work during the day and I was riding with him. We got a late start, traffic was crazy and things just didn't go quite as planned. I was thinking we weren't going to make it home in time to cook dinner, but I was wrong. Everything turned out great thankfully.

I think I dropped Gary off at 6 p.m. I ran to the store to get some bacon bits and some more salad dressing. When I got home he was almost done cooking and my parents were pulling up. Perfect timing. Dinner was excellent. I love the way he makes steaks. The only snag we encountered was the lack of dessert.

Why didn't we have dessert you ask?? Well, my friend Sari was supposed to come over and she was bringing cheesecake. I texted her earlier in the day to confirm that she was coming by and she said she definitely was. So, dinner comes and goes. No Sari. I texted her to see if she needed directions and she never responded. After dinner we hung out at the house for a while and then we remembered that the Cannery gives ten dollars in free slot play to the first 1000 people on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesdays. So we all headed to the Cannery and we were too late unfortunately. We didn't get the free slot play.

A few hours later we were playing on the machines and I get a text from Sari. She claims she had a seizure and that she was still in the hospital. I dunno if it's the truth or not. I've never known her to have seizures in the past, but whatever. My dad and Gary were both looking forward to meeting her, but it just didn't happen.

On the way home, they had Interstate 15 shut down for about 10 minutes. They were running power lines across the highway. Weird. I thought, for a minute, that were heading into a sobriety checkpoint. I wasn't too concerned because I wasn't driving, plus we were both sober.

Today was another crazy day. We did a lot of running around and things didn't go quite as planned. I hate that. When things don't go the way I want them to go, I really struggle. I sometimes throw temper tantrums, I sometimes pout, I sometimes yell and every once in a while I go with the flow. Going with the flow is obviously the best alternative, I just have a hard time doing it.

Tomorrow promises to be a better day.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Really??

So, Gary and I went out to eat with my parents Sunday night (Valentine's Day). We decided to meet them over at TGI Fridays at the Orleans. If I would have thought about it, I would have realized that the Goldcoast has a Fridays and I like the Goldcoast a lot better than the Orleans. I hate that place. It's annoying. A while back, the bloggers had our yearly poker tourney at the Orleans and they treated us like crap. I vowed to never play there again and I meant it. But, unfortunately, I went against my own advice and played there once again. As we were walking into the place I said to Gary "I hate this place, I never win here". I was right. Gary and I both lost our asses off. At the very end I managed to pull off a 6 out of 6 win on Cleopatra Keno which put us back to even again and that was a really good thing. We promptly left that place and went over to Arizona Charlie's instead. Charlie's is right across the street from our house and I find that the machines are pretty easy to win on. Not always, but a lot better than the Orleans.

While we were out to dinner, Gary busts out with a cool invitation to my parents for Wednesday night. He's like "What are you guys doing Wednesday night? We'd like to have you guys over for dinner. I'm cooking". This wasn't a planned thing. We hadn't discussed it at all. Part of me was like "what the hell are you doing?" and the other part of me was really impressed t hat he came up with this all by himself. He's always surprising me.

Our friend that we took to rehab last week is back home. We got the call last night that she was on a bus on her way home. Apparently rehab wasn't all it's cracked up to be. ha ha That's a joke. Rehab is never fun. She knew that. But, once she got up there she realized that she missed her friends a lot. They wouldn't let her make any phone calls for something like 20 days. That's kind of ridiculous. When I went to rehab I was allowed to make short 5 minute phone calls the very first week. Looking back, my rehab place was pretty cool. I even managed to have some fun while I was there. Of course, they told me that I wasn't taking things seriously and that I was going to die when I left there. They weren't lying. I almost did a few times. But, here I am to tell the story today.

Well, this house isn't going to clean itself. Since the rents are coming over for dinner tomorrow, I have a lot of work to do.

Happy Tuesday!

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Road Trip

I can't believe I still have readers after disappearing for 2 months. I'm so happy I do though! Thanks guys.

So, it's Sunday and I'm about to jump in the shower. My parents are taking Gary and I out to dinner. He likes them a lot and I am pretty sure they like him too. What's not to like? He's funny, laid back, charming and easy to get along with.

My friend Cassie came over Friday night and spent the whole weekend here at our house. She's a cool chick and she has the cutest dog in the world - Molly. Molly goes everywhere that Cassie goes. I wanted to go out and gamble Friday night and Cassie said she couldn't go because she didn't want to leave Molly alone. um ok. That's a bit much don't you think??

So, let me tell you about the road trip. We left at like 5 in the morning on Tuesday and we drove up to Elko. It was a pretty easy ride. No real obstacles. Everything ran smoothly. We got there in like 8 hours as planned. We took her the rehab facility and then we got a motel room. I went out gambling by myself because Gary was super tired. He did all of the driving himself. The casinos out there SUCKED!! The first casino had no video keno at all. Annoying. I left there and went to another place. They had only a few game kings with keno and the payouts were RIDICULOUS! Normally if you hit 5 out of 5 on video keno, you get 810 credits. On this machine in Elko, if you hit 5 out of 5 you only got 400 credits. Isn't that crazy?? I was not impressed.

The next day we left and started driving home. An hour into the trip we realize we are going to the wrong way. SHIT! We didn't start out going the wrong way, but we were talking and we missed our turnoff. We were in Utah I think. So, we had to turn around and find the right highway. There were a few other snags along the way, but we made it back safe and sound.

Okay - the shower is calling me - Happy Monday kids!

Friday, February 12, 2010

I'm Back for Good!

Wow. Where do I begin?? I know I haven't blogged in forever and I want to apologize. My life has been a whirlwind lately. Let me just recap the past few months....

I lost my job at the Hard Rock.
I lost my place to live.
I broke my phone (the screen cracked so I can't see any of my text messages or the numbers).

and those are just the things I can think of off the top of my head.

Every cloud has a silver lining and I believe that God puts people in our lives when we need them.

I met a random guy (Gary) at the local Terrible's casino a month of two ago. It's so funny how things happen because I usually don't talk to anyone when I'm gambling on the machines. But, for whatever reason, I decided to give this guy a chance. I figured we would hang out once or twice and that would be the end of it. But, that's not what happened. Instead, I have spent every single day with him since the day we met. I introduced him to my friend Tye and the three of us are now known as "The Dream Team". We've been inseparable.

When I lost my place to live, we both ended up moving in with our friend Tye. It's a 5 bedroom house so there is plenty of room. I haven't been in an actual "relationship" in so long. We get along really well though and I like him a lot. The best part is that he makes me laugh - all of the time. And, when I get in my moods, he knows how to pull me out. It's impressive.

Now that I'm settled in this house and there is a computer here, I think I'll be able to do more blogging. I will definitely make a commitment to start writing again.

Earlier this week - Gary, Tye and I took a road trip to Elko, Nevada. We drove Tye up there so that she could go to Rehab. It was like 470 miles and it took something like 8 hours each way. It was brutal. It feels good to be home. I'll get into more details about the road trip later.

So, that's it for me tonight. I'll write again soon!